Of Toddlers & Terrorists

"It's the first day of your last semester at PSU." That's what I've been hearing all day, and I have to say - I don't like it one bit. (Truth #1) Don't get me wrong, I'm ready to move on (Lie #1) and I'm ready to finally be an adult, take on more responsibilities and realize I can't hold on to youth anymore. (Lie #2) But, what if there were a way to hold on to youth's precious items? What if we could steal them right out from underneath her perfect, youth-y nose? (Delusion #1)

You might say I'm merely talking about "cheating death" or, as the idea goes (Uncertainty #1), moving a chess piece in a different place when Death isn't looking at the board. But I'm not. (Truth #2, Delusion #2) I believe that death is merely a disease we haven't cured -- and the people who are dying from death are actually going missing! Imagine, all those "MISSING: Last Seen At Playground Eating Sand" signs you see everywhere - and now imagine that those earth-munching minis are no different than anyone who has ever died! Do you know how many people that is? Well neither do I, but Google does assure me it's a high number...between 69 and 110 billion. (Horrifyingly Inaccurate Source #1)

Little Tommy never did make a full recovery that day

Anyhow, back to my morbidly obese fascination with a terribly abused topic, these missing people, as I'll know refer to them, need to be found. Sure, we still have their lifeless bodies, but where did all those thoughts, emotions, personality and delusions of grandeur (Personal Attribute #1) go? No one knows. Even worse? We're not funding this project to find any of these people! It's an outrage. We spend billions - no, trillions - of dollars on something called "National Security" and other things like heart transplants (Uncertainty #2) -- but for what? Just so we can safeguard ourselves and prolong our seemingly inevitable disappearance?

I don't like this. And neither should you. I propose that someone - someone other than myself -begin a serious movement, a fundraising campaign of sorts, to show people the seriousness of the situation. While I myself am usually busy with classes and writing for publications (Lie #3), a search for "the missing" must begin. (Stolen Movie Title #1) This search should preferably take place immediately, because God knows (Lie #4) who will die tomorrow. In reality, I more concerned about my death than anyone else's, but put in a global perspective, it could be anyone. (False Hope #1, Hidden Selfishness #...)

Just think - you could die tomorrow. A speeding bus with a bomb on it, the overshot of a long drive at Hole #15, or a nasty fall headfirst into your pre-heated 425 degree oven - it can happen to almost nearly practically anyone. This isn't a crusade to stop Death from collecting me (Lie #5, Plea to find old cat, Oreo #1), but it is a calling to stop this rampant disease that we merely see as a common, everyday event. Help The Missing, and may you find a way before the disease finds out where I live. Fargo. (Complete Loss of Reality, Unnecessary Stolen Movie Title Use #2, Possible Ensuing Lawsuit)

In another part of the world, sewer dweller and succubus Ann Coulter made a beautiful debut on The View, promoting her campaign of hatred against single mothers and [Insert any topic here]. While I usually can't stand the sounds of a hundred screaming birds dying a painful hour-long death, I did enjoy this beat-down of one of America's top television terrorists. It gets petty toward the end, but it's definitely worth watching:

Thanks, Sierra!

While the world may be going mad today, there's always a barely 10-month-old ball of black fluff to ignore all of it. Scott's Lady Lucy Ball: a possibly retarded carpet/plant/anything-destroying poop machine. She's bound to kill us all, but the cutest rabbit I've ever known. Pictures tomorrow!

There, a slice of happy news - now cyclones, specifically the one that occurred in Burma/Myanmar last year. In Newsweek's coverage of the tragedy, it was estimated that 31, 938 people died, while the storm managed to cause over $10 billion. However, other reports suggested even higher counts, first 78,000, then around 84,000.

To worsen the picture, the ruling military junta was criticized for their slow response for aid, even initially blocking foreign aid for the people of Burma. It was then reported that Burmese coverage of the aftermath (controlled by the junta) showed the military regime distributing aid as if though they were the only ones to be supplying it.

While I didn't find a well-constructed compilations of events that took place during and after the cyclone, there are plenty of reports, articles and statistics available to get a good idea of the devastation that still continues today in Burma.

Newsweek's Interactive Map of World Catastrophes