Loony Moony

The universe is awesome. Eddie Izzard would agree with that. (Though I love a good hot dog every now and then.) Even the earth's moon, something we see nearly every night, is unfathomable. In order to equal the distance it would take to get to the moon, you would have to travel around the earth nearly nine times! Also, one lunar day on the moon equals 29.5 Earth days. (The moon is tidally locked to the Earth, so our gravity drags the moon around on its axis and the same side of the moon always faces Earth) Pulled that word-for-word off of HowStuffWorks.com. Thanks Dr.Craig Freudenrich, Ph.D.! While we may not marvel at the pockmarked Artemis -- as the Greeks referred to it -- looming far away in the night sky, there are a billion other wonders floating around in the unknown frontier that is space.

Unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to get into that right now, partly because I've been disappointed by my two replacement shows, Weeds and Six Feet Under, and partly because I just don't care at the moment!

For now, here's our favorite mule, who I call Crazy Horse the Flatulent. Lick 'em, Crazy!

Bow Chica Wah Wah

The Japanese are at it again, and this time they've gone...(Dramatic look to Camera B) undercover. Recently, I've been mulling over the prospects of a long-distance relationship. Like any couple experiencing the difficult transition after college -moving to different cities, following separate dreams - I've experienced everything from doubt to complete faith when considering a sustained relationship two hours apart. As it's not that far of a distance (Philadelphia to New York), I haven't had as hard of a time accepting the lengths of time being apart. It'll be challenging, but that's what I enjoy. Of course, the Japanese are trying to best me and my strong will of the mind with their new technology. Mutsugoto's touch-activated...sketch pad is now being tested on partners who need just a little more than Skype and text messaging. I'm not sure I understand it, but I'll allow this unusually-and-awkwardly-softcore-pornlike video to elaborate:

Mutsugoto from Distance Lab on Vimeo.

Possibly more interesting are the comments left by other viewers. This one seemed rather...harsh?

By curious7 at 4:47 PM ON 04/21/09

Interesting yeah, but if the Japanese spent half as much time actually sleeping with one another than they seem to spend creating and using self-gratification gizmos, they might not be experiencing their much-advertised population nosedive...

I've actually been working on my own inventions here at 725 Unnamed Building Blood-Stained Door #12 (I'll explain when the DNA tests come back). As I sat here waiting for Scott to tear his eyes away from World of Warcraft and for Leila to stop chewing on my iPod cord, I entertained myself by creating variations of the word "jellybean". Among the many absurdities I conjured up, I was marveled by my unrivaled genius by a particular one: Bejellany. Beautiful. I love ls as much as I love words including the letter v, so this was perfect. Bejellany, in my definition, is miscellany that has been bejewelled. So if you're ever cleaning out your grandma's attic and find some odd and gaudy antique that looks as if though it's been attacked by Cher's wardrobe designer, you have the perfect word for the situation.

Tales from the Water Closet

My favorite part of any house or apartment is the bathroom. Whether I'm visiting a relative, having a few drinks at a friend's apartment, or surfing on a stranger's sofa, I always make it a point to check out their WC, regardless of the status of my current bowel movements. I'm always a bit surprised, therefore, that I chose to live in this apartment. Aside from the fact that having no roommate can sometimes get lonely, my bathroom is the tiniest thing I've ever seen. Yet when I first laid eyes on this Bates Motel adobe abode (If you've been here, you'd understand. Pictures, perhaps? I'll forget.), I was tickled by the miniature space where I knew I'd be spending most of my time. While it doesn't have a lock (something I'm very into), there's a giant step-up into the bathroom, something that took me a while to get used to. Now, I love it. I feel as though I'm in a completely different part of the apartment, not a tiny, cramped closet adjacent to my bedroom.

Since it is the most revered room in Unnamed Building #12, I was sure to stock it with some literature, specifically an appropriately mini-sized MiniPedia, Great Civilizations, by Brenda Ralph Lewis. Because I haven't spent much time here lately, I've started reading it again and have even found some new things about the ancient Egyptian culture. The god, Re, representing the sun, would at the end of the day descend into the Underworld, leaving the world in darkness as he took on a perilous journey. At each hour, he would come upon a door guarded by a terrifying demon, each of which he would conquer in order to reascend and bring day back to the Egyptian people.

Makin' Babies

I finally finished the last episode of The Riches yesterday. I've been having dreams about the opening titles - the music soundtrack to that show is stupendous. In any case, I'll need to find a new show to watch as I'm sure my letter to FX will not persuade the producers to continue the show, especially considering that it ended a year ago. My list so far for potential replacements now are:

Six Feet Under

Weeds

The Tudors

I included the last one on the list only because I find Jonathan Rhys Meyers's lips tantalizing and irresistable. As I once said, he and Fiona would have beautiful big-eyed babies. If only, if only.

Of course, not everything comes out perfect - that is, if you're using Routan Baby Maker. Here he is folks, the baby of J. Rhys Meyers and F. Apple:

Not bad, Routan. But where's the pouty lips? The dinner-plate eyes? The impeccable jaw line? Disappointing. This baby could've been a combination of Tom Selleck and Margaret Thatcher for all I care. Toss that baby out and in with the newborn! Here he is, in all his glory, the baby of Stephen Colbert and Lee Dunlap:

Sweet Jehovah! Kill it, kill it! It looks as though the Joker mated with that ogre from The Goonies.

Well, not everyone can have beautiful babies, but if you'd like to take a shot because you're pathetic and realize you'll never find someone who will be dumb or equally ugly enough to have kids with you, try out the site for yourself at Routan Baby Maker, the place where hideous creatures are born but can easily be aborted with the click of a mouse.

Queen of Clubs

I write this only for myself, to remind me in the future of the precious time I so often waste,this time by playing over ten hours of Halo. I am ashamed and will make up for my losses tomorrow.

Despite my lack of motivation, I'm excited for this summer's prospects. My notorious travel partner and friend in crime and I are planning to undertake a documentary project similar to the Road Trip Nation experience we had last summer. We both loved interviewing individuals who lived lives "out of the norm", if you will, and writing about our crazy side experiences while couch surfing and exploring different locales. Therefore, we decided to amp things up a bit, throw in some camera action and our own website and start hitting the town to see who we could find. There's loads of interesting people out there, let alone in the State College area. Of course, any good project like this one needs a name or tag line to attract some attention, so we've been brainstorming about some possibilities. So far, my brain, long turned mushy by X-Box, has come up with 'offshoots' and 'debunking'. Terrible, I know. However, they get some points across: what we're trying to do is get a peek, if not deep insight, into the lives of others, particularly those who aren't following the idealized American dream. They're making it their own. Jess has been pondering a way to fit in 'manifest destiny' without the negative connotation of taking more land from the Native Americans. Possibilities abound, but regardless of the name, I think it's a great idea and should go over well.

As of now, we'll see what other people think of the idea and gather some ideas for the site name. Suggestions welcome!

Dowd and Out

It's amazing to me how little I knew when I was a kid, but even more incredible how ignorant I was throughout middle school and high school. Remember when more than 700 people died of SARS in China in 2002? I certainly don't. I imagine at that time I was setting social fires among my friends and spending my time lolling about the farm by myself and reading Calvin & Hobbes comic strips. I was a stupid little shit back then, completely isolated from the world -- but I was happy. Blissfully and blindly happy. It has to make you wonder: Is it better to not know anything at all and be ignorantly content, or is it better to know everything and live in a world of happiness and pain? I'd certainly take the latter, but I smirk when I think of my 15-year-old self idly floating above the chaos, completely content being alone and unaware of everything going on around me. Stupid boy.

I digress, but with good reason as I'm back at home in Blairsville for the weekend. What sparked this wreckless train of thought was an article I read in the New York Times today. Mexico, it turns out has been dealing with the recent epidemic with more style than most have given the country credit for. NYT reporter Larry Rohter does something interesting to put Mexico's reaction to the swine flu in perspective -- he compares it to the SARS outbreak in China in 2002. Apparently, China did everything short of calling its pandemic a complete fluke, censoring the media and refusing aid. From its former government, Mexico has come a long way and has dealt with the outbreak in every way they could, from pooling sources with the US to getting out the news so that its citizens could protect themselves - enough to get a tip of the hat from Mr. Colbert.

On the other hand, I think our man could give the wag of the finger to Maureen Dowd, crazy lady who wrote an op-ed piece for the New York Times. In her article, Put Aside Logic, Dowd explained the death of the newspaper industry by comparing it with the new Star Trek film. No class I've taken at the university in journalism will help me explain this one. Read her article on The Final Frontier and try not to kirk out.

From The Riches to Rags

People (Buddha knows who reads this, mole people, I imagine), I've discovered a terrible thing. They really are right when they say you can know too much. On a random Google search for "The Riches", I found out that there will be no third season -- no more The Riches. All I was trying to do was find a picture of that snazzy and sexy Eddie Izzard and his ragtag family of gypsies. (The daughter is ridiculously pretty) As I was a shut-in for the last few days due to a near deadly combination of the flu and strep throat, I was able to amass around 15 hours of viewing pleasure. I had only four more episodes to go, and this is how FX repays me for my dedicated viewership?! Not only that, I loved the show. I really, truly loved it. I was in love with it. (I hear there's a difference between the two) My plan now is to plead with the network to bring back the show by flippin' tricks or stalking Mr. Izzard. The latter, I will do regardless.

In other ridiculous and outrageous news and steering clear of cutting down Canada, the New York Times printed today a German court decision to ban long names. At first, I was alarmed, as I did not know my precious Deutschland was suffering from a long name pandemic. Of course, I'd be pissed, too, if Karl-Theodor Maria Nikolaus Johann Jacob Philipp Franz Joseph Sylvester Freiherr von und zu Guttenberg was continuously absent in class.